I Do, You Do, We All Do

When we think of etiquette, we limit it to mainly business, dining, grooming and social etiquette, but we hardly think about nor consider wedding etiquette.

Interestingly, over the years, wedding etiquette guidelines have evolved and have been redefined to suit the individual couple and their families, thus breaking away from the norm and usual traditions. But certain ‘old-school’ wedding etiquette rules cannot be sidelined. 

Communication is etiquette within itself - courtesy, inclusion and cohesion. A wedding is a complete partnership between the bride and groom that should be wholly enjoyed by both parties. The misconceptions that weddings are for the bride need to be safely packed away. Communication between the couple is key, and they need to be on the same page.

You would be shocked to know that there are couples with such independent ideas for their wedding, and they each have an individual plan that has nothing to do with the other. In my opinion, communication between the to-be-spouses is key and usually the first big undertaking they will tackle together. Many believe planning a wedding will test a marriage, but I believe this only happens when a couple's vision is not aligned and communicated effectively. 

Before getting started with planning one of the biggest and most special days of your lives, couples should consider some important points from the get-go: 

• Decide on the vision and budget, then come to the families and vendors with one voice.
• Disagreements will happen; keep it private, and do not complain to your vendors, family or bridal party about your spouse. 
• Although it is “your” day, it's not all about you. Food choice, bar options, thank you's and more, determine your guests' experience. You want guests to rave about your wedding. So, remember the guests' experience is an important part of your day. 

Financial Etiquette 

Finances are a key component to the success of any event, and probably one of the most common reasons that couples and their families have disagreements.

Over the years I have seen how financial etiquette traditions have evolved. Some may consider it old-fashioned, but it used to be the etiquette that the bride and her side of the family would pay for flowers, decor, cake, photography etc, while the groom and his side of the family would pay for the officiant fee, rehearsal dinner, DJ, bar etc. This etiquette is slowly fading away. 

Suggestions for couples not following the traditional finance etiquette include:

• The budget should be the first discussion couples have together and with their families. Determining the financial contributions and togetherness in the budget phase is paramount. 
• Discuss your priorities. What elements of the day are most important to each of you? As a planner, I like giving the bride and the groom two to three non-negotiables each. (I get to throw in my two as the planner.)
• Be realistic about what you can afford. DO NOT over-commit yourselves, or plan for money you hope to get in the future. Always work with guaranteed money. You would rather comfortably cover costs than be overwhelmed with escalating expenses.
• If there is any need for assistance from family members, it is best to present what you as a couple can afford and where the family can come in and help. Have this conversation early in the planning stages, and do not wait! 
• Keep the circle of people who can have an input in your day small. Too many opinions become overwhelming, confusing and frustrating. 

While your wedding is special and one of the most important days of your lives, it's essential to strike a balance between creating beautiful long-lasting memories and ensuring you have a secure financial future together. Let's celebrate your love in a way that's meaningful, while being mindful of the fact that your life together extends far beyond just your wedding day.